Open your heart a bit more,
Life will become easier.
Sneak less, observe more,
Air will feel breezier.
Humble is the one who filters the storm into energy,
Gives it a direction to make the world austere!
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Who am I? Who I want to be? Who can I be? All the questions stop making sense as soon as the respondent is me – ‘ a woman’.
So let’s begin with ‘What am I?’ The unfortunate answer lies in the question itself. ‘what’ is used for a thing or an object.
I am the disappointment on my parents face when they hear my first cry. I am the convenience when my dream career which I have slogged for, is not for me. I am an ideal expected to follow high standards. I am the reputation, I am the possession. I am a trophy and a scrap too. I am the ventilation of exhaustion and failure. I am the cause of a loser or even a winner but not allowed to be either. I am the insecurity of a chauvinist. I am the peace maker, but not a peace getter. I am the excitement on the face of my stalker, my prospect groom, my viewer of posters and ads, all the strangers and passerbys, and even the knowns too. I am aged 2,4, 16 and 60. I am aged all the numbers in between and missing. My existence starts and stops at my private parts. I am a body, not a soul. I am woman not a human. Yes I am the one sitting beside you, serving you, helping you, stopping you, irritating you. I am the expectation of a child’s upbringing.
I am the lesser priority of a parent choosing independence for one of their kids. I am the lesser smile of a mother who gets 2 goods news on a same day. One, that of my sister’s pregnancy and the other, that of my admission in a reputed university.
I am the rare exception of most (if not all) of the above. I am the last traces of hope of my fraternity. No I am not a feminist because I am a woman. I am a feminist because I am an equal human.
I am sitting in a hall packed with women who are brimming with hope and excitement. Light is entering through one of the windows like a ray of hope. It makes the floor glitter with the shadow shapes dancing on the floor. As if the universe is delighted and it is exuberantly expressing its zeal! I see smiles all over. Smiles of aspiration, desire and promise. A promise to self, of not being daunted by the society! By that society which has anyway not given them anything except fetters of rituals and stereotypes. If there had been any unit to decipher the color of the aura in the room, I am sure it would have been BRIGHT RED. Red with passion and zeal, red with emotions and past cries, red with a loud cry of HALLA BOL! The energy was contagious. So much so that as soon as one stepped into the hall, one would straighten up their back with head held high and walk with the confidence of a fighter!
Among the crowd, one woman hopes to start earning a living and somehow sustain herself and her daughter. Her husband has discarded them from his life. Then there is another woman who hopes to set an example for her counterparts to follow. One of them also hopes to regain her ‘self’. She was a home guard and a dancer before she gave this up for a husband who left her for another woman after 10 years of marriage. These are the lives of the ones who are ‘a bit’ more underprivileged than most of us. And that ‘bit’ is tremendously huge! These are the lives of marginalized, discriminated and abolished.
And yet I see them smiling today. I see them happier than I have been since quite a long. I am overwhelmed as I see them and then suddenly I recall a scene from the past.
“What is this new bullshit you are up to now? Is this your way of blackmailing us that either we should support your business plan or you will ruin yourself?” says my mother in law. The other members continue “Ab kya jhola leke gaav gaav ghumogi? Islie itna paisa kharch karke padhai ki?(Will you roam about from village to village like a destitute now? Is this why you spent so much on your studies?”
This was the scene when I chose to work in an NGO and not a corporate after my MBA. I had done my Entrepreneurial MBA working on a venture which I had in mind since many years. I completed it only to find that it was not ‘what I should do’ as a bahu (daughter in law) of the family. So in order to find a sense of fire and purpose of life, I joined a social organization. Not that I had a great financial backing at that time. I had my loans to be paid back like most of the graduates do. Not that I disliked the corporates before knowing them too well. I had worked in a corporate before my post graduation. And I knew myself a little too much to continue working like others. I was searching something. Some vague satisfaction from the work I do. I wanted to explore. I wanted my work to have a meaning.
“I am ashamed of introducing what you do to my friends. ” explained my husband when I asked him why did he introduce me as a freelancer to one of his friends!
I recall this today after 3 years. In this hall of future hopes, I recall my past and smile. I feel fortunate to have got this opportunity to initiate a tremendously iconoclast women empowerment program in my city. I feel fortunate to have chosen an organization which bestows immense faith in me. I feel glad to be a minuscule part of this historical change in making!
I am sitting at the launch of DriverBen program which trains underprivileged women as professional drivers and provides them with dignified livelihood!
All of us live with our past. All of us allow it to shape our future. But some of us know how to shrug the past. I think that is who I am…..
P.S. My phone just rang with a message from my hubby “All the best”
Preying on my mind since childhood, ‘entrepreneurship’ and ‘travel’ are the two knights of my life. Sifting my way through the buzzing traffic, lost in my own world of thoughts, “a cancer stick” in one hand and the gear in another, driving is mostly done by my subconscious mind (chill co-commuters, you are as safe as that fish in the glass jar!). Groundbreaking radical ideas spearhead my mind and oh boy! I am there again, on the cloud nine making the whole damn business plan in 30 minutes 43 seconds (to be inexact, that’s the time I take to reach my office from my home). Fully charged up, I keep my foot down from the car. And with each moving step, the exuberation fizzes out. Fortunately for my job, I forget the idea and get down to work. This characterizes me as a ‘plant’ in Belbin team role analysis!! In a similar vein, there are motley of such analogies between driving a car and running a business, which I plan to pen down in my new book which is most likely to be christened ‘On the go – “On-tre-preneur”‘
On-the-go business lessons in layman language which one can read on the go and relate to the events on the go. Coming soon…Jet..Set..Vroooooommm
As soothing as rain drops,
You caress me with your touch and my heart hops.
Like a peacock who forgets the pain of a whole year wait,
And welcomes the rain with the dance of joy;
My pain abates and I condone the ache,
And trance in the moment of ahoy!!
I chose the road less traveled.. (and now I don’t know where the hell I am!!!!)
Welcome Monsoon 🙂
